The doe and her two fawns that I talked about last month have still been around a lot, although I haven't seen them near the time I'm posting this. And the doe keeps eating our flowers! I am compassionate to the fact that she has two fawns to feed, but dang, between this and some hail we've had, our flowers are looking a bit sad this year! Some of them simply had to be pulled because they couldn't be salvaged. Well, I wish Mama Deer and her babies the best regardless, and I've still really enjoyed seeing them around.
A doujinshi event for a ship I really love happened in Tokyo, so I placed some proxy orders to buy some books, and a handful of other things I can only get directly from Japan. I'm a bit nervous about tariffs, but I decided to try anyway and hope for the best… The situation has been so chaotic that I really don't know what to expect when the package finally gets to me. At the time I'm writing this, it shipped a couple days ago. The true test will be when it reaches US customs… It isn't a huge order so I guess if I have to pay more it won't break the bank, but it will be upsetting.
Continuing to gradually work on that crochet Christmas blanket for my mom, but within the last 10 days of the month or so I've had to take more breaks than I like because the tip of my thumb on my right (dominant) hand hurts when there's any pressure on it… It might have been caused by holding my hook too tightly? Even after several days taking a break from crocheting, it hasn't cleared up… Well, the blanket is around halfway done. Maybe more? I haven't counted the total rows recently.
After using plastic shopping bags to carry my work lunch for pretty much the entire time that I've been working, I finally got myself a reusable lunch bag. My city has been phasing out plastic bags for a couple years now, and the things fall apart fairly quickly. As silly as it sounds, I was genuinely excited to get this bag and start using it. And I do love it! It's a bit big, but I wanted something that could fit a variety of different containers. It also serves as a cooler bag. It can help me out when I want to bring my own food to events, or for grocery shopping. It has a super cute design--a very reddish pink with a big yellow pocket and mint green straps.
Near the end of the month, I found myself feeling really exhausted by work, so I took a couple of unplanned days off and had a four day weekend. I do this extremely rarely, so I can't say I felt all that bad about it. Call them mental health days, since I guess that is what they were. Sometimes I do okay working several full, 5-day work weeks in a row, but eventually I reach a breaking point. You know things are bad when I find myself thinking "I only feel human on the weekends". Usually a pre-planned day off of some sort comes and saves me, but this time I couldn't wait for that, considering my next one (aside from weekends) is at the very end of August. I feel like humans weren't built to work 40 hours a week… Especially when it's technically more than 40 hours when you add in lunch breaks that aren't included in your overall time (yeah, it's a break, but I'd much rather be taking that break at home), and the time it takes to get ready for work and commute to and from.
I've been trying to build up my allotted paid time off after it was wiped out from a two week vacation in Japan in April 2024 that was surrounded by multiple health issues with me and my family, so… Guess you could say I haven't been taking as much extra time off as I maybe should. But I think I'll be at a point where I can comfortably take some time around the end of the year. The very end of December/very beginning of January is particularly tempting since two paid holidays also fall during that time and that would extend my time off, but it would be a tricky time to do it and I'd need to discuss it with multiple people. Might be worth it regardless.
I'm actually typing this section up on the second day of my four day weekend. The first day I spent doing basically nothing but playing Fields of Mistria, a game I've really come to love. Despite it still being in early access and therefore missing plenty of stuff, it has more than enough to be a lot of fun. Actually, I finished my first year during this day long play session and it was pretty anticlimactic because there's no New Year's event and the other characters barely acknowledge the change, but hey, something to look forward to in the future! Might be worth starting a new save file when it gets its full release, especially if it comes to Switch 2. It's genuinely among the best in the farming game genre even in its current unfinished state, which is really saying something about its quality. In case you're curious, the girl I'm pursuing in my game is Celine!
I attended a convention for a day at the beginning of the month! Honestly, there's only one convention that happens in my area where I feel compelled to attend for more than one day anymore, and even then I won't attend the entire weekend every single year. My very specific interests don't get covered very well by these cons, but I consider them more of a place to "see and be seen", since I like to dress up (not in cosplay) and carry itabags and also see other people who do the same. The shopping can also be nice. Artist alleys are always fantastic, and sometimes I'm okay with paying what is probably a little too much money on a Sanrio trinket I really like. When I do go to a con for more than a day, I look forward to staying in a hotel and getting time away from the parents about as much as the event itself.
So yeah, for this convention specifically, I don't have much to report. I didn't attend any panels, and the exhibit hall/artist alley was extremely packed with people, but I still enjoyed the experience. I got to dress up. I got to take the train (I imagine commuters who depend on it have a more complex opinion of it but I love the train as a sometimes visitor). I got to eat some good food. Actually, when I first arrived the lines for food in the convention center were either reasonable or non-existent, but by the time I got hungry, they were ridiculous. So I left and walked a couple blocks to a nearby shopping street. I expected it to also be very busy, but honestly… Nope! I got my lunch very quickly and went for gelato afterwards before heading back to the con. I found myself wondering why more people didn't go over there for food, considering how easy and quick I found it to be. My assumption is most of them didn't want to leave the convention center bubble. I am a fairly seasoned traveler to that general area for fan events and otherwise, so I guess I'm used to encountering people who will look at the nerds a little funny, and I did run into a couple of dudes screaming their heads off about the Bible who disappeared (were shooed away?) pretty quickly. But it still went smoothly, it's a very short walk, and I didn't have to wait 45 minutes for food. It definitely depends on the area, but I think more nerds should feel comfortable enough to leave their convention center/hotel to get food and see the sights, even if they're alone.
When I came back from eating, I did accidentally end up entering a space for a totally different event. Somehow no one on the staff stopped me even though I was very much dressed like a con goer? And had a con badge around my neck? And I had a LONG walk before I figured it out, meaning a long walk back to the con. But at least I got to use a bathroom that was otherwise unoccupied? I could not figure out what this other event was while I was there, so I looked it up later. Turns out, it was a barbershop quartet competition (though they didn't use the term "barbershop"—it seemed like their style of singing was derived from that tradition). Fascinating! I was embarrassed because I looked so out of place, but it was still a funny little detour in which I learned that barbershop quartet competitions are even a thing, because I had no clue.
I've been sitting on a bunch of stuff that I want to sell rather than donate for several years now, mostly things like lolita dresses and anime merch I no longer want. So, this month I finally got started on posting them. My current plan is to post everything between now and September and get rid of anything that doesn't sell by the beginning of October. I want to do this while the weather is still nice, and before the postal system is overloaded at the end of the year as it always is. I've put this off for so long because it honestly takes a lot of time and effort to do it right, to the extent that it can feel like a second job. But I think it will be a huge weight off my shoulders when it's all done. It's been one of those to-do list items really looming over me for a long time and I want it over and done with! Getting some extra cash out of it is nice too, even if it's not as much as I initially spent on these items.
I don't think I've worn lolita since before the pandemic, so selling off my wardrobe has been a long time coming. I've already sold some dresses in the past, but not nearly enough. While beautiful, the fashion just doesn't work for me anymore in numerous ways. It's very expensive compared to other cute alternative fashions, for one, even when buying secondhand. I was also only ever wearing it to conventions and other similar fandom events, so it was a pretty poor use of my money overall. It's also just not comfortable enough for me anymore. It's a very fussy style and difficult to get things in my size. Even when things aren't in the "technically fits but just barely" category, I always find it uncomfortable. I can't wear the standard lolita shoes anymore. I could make sneakers work with some outfits, but I would be limited in my options. Basically, I've found new ways to dress for conventions and everyday life that are far less expensive, very comfortable, and that are versatile, while still suiting my personal style of being cute and colorful, and I still get plenty of lovely compliments. Some of what I wear to cons now is the same stuff I wear to work. I don't need to have two completely different wardrobes taking up precious closet space, one of which was barely used even when it was being used at all. I had my fun with it, I'm glad I got to satisfy the curiosity I had when I discovered it in the 2000s and actually experience it firsthand, but I moved on a while ago and am only just now fully accepting that. Godspeed to all the lolitas sticking to it, I still love seeing you at conventions and online.
The game Idolmaster Cinderella Girls Starlight Stage basically announced end of service, but I guess a soft version of it, since they'll just be stopping new content but otherwise keeping the game online (for now—I doubt that will last very long). Relevant because I've played it in some capacity since early 2019. I made a blog post about it back in 2023 about the Cinderella Girl election of that year. Update for that blog post: Another character election has not happened since then and it almost certainly never will now.
I played for one girl and one girl only: Shin Sato, AKA Sugar Heart. This website is named after her solo song, and I use the name Sugar Heart on Bluesky, too. I love her a lot and she's been a big inspiration to me, always reminding me to do and pursue what feels right to me regardless of my age. I did come to like some other girls, but not enough to want to dedicate any time to them. Sugar Heart is my beloved, my one and only!
So it might sound odd for me to say that I'm relieved this game is ending, but I have my reasons. The game has 190 girls in it, and to play only for exactly one of them is kind of tiresome, honestly. I would always be looking forward to something new for her, but it would take a long time to come. New cards of hers would show up no more than twice a year, but oftentimes less because she would never get more than one SSR (gacha) card in that time, and like most characters was rarely available as an event SR. I'm lucky, actually, because a lot of less popular girls received hardly anything over the game's entire run. I don't mind waiting for things, but I guess this particular schedule felt like a bit too much. I suppose I should be grateful I would always have enough time to get the gacha currency needed to pull for her without having to spend real money. But the gameplay got to be pretty unfun, too. It's just a rhythm game. I kinda like rhythm games, especially the tap tap mobile game variety. But to me, it's not something that can sustain my attention for a long time.
So I'm tired of this game occupying any of my brain space with such inconsistent excitement and I'm relieved that I'll be done with it soon (I am still paying attention for now, just in case there's any new Shin stuff before they stop updates… Sigh). I have said that I'd be willing to check out a new game if they figure out a MUCH better way to handle such a massive amount of characters, but honestly I would prefer for it to just end. Starlight Stage was already the second Cinderella Girls game, do we really need a third? Spending money or too much time wasn't a problem for me (with one exception on the money side, but that was 5+ years ago and I nipped that in the bud immediately). I just want one less thing in my life to have to keep tabs on for years and years. Finitude can be very freeing.
A few times this month I've had a dream where I was in some kind of art class where the teacher assigned to us seven drawings with specific themes that we would then go on to sell at an art market just for our class later on. But in the dream, I somehow decided that this assignment didn't apply to me and I didn't do it? Sometimes I would come close to reaching the realization that yes, I DID need to do it, but only on the morning that I'm writing this did it finally click with me. And of course I woke up feeling panicked and like I needed to rush to make some art! Honestly I have a frustratingly large amount of dreams that leave me with that "well thank goodness that wasn't real" feeling when I wake up, but I wouldn't classify them as nightmares, just steeped in massive amounts of anxiety. It's unfortunately not uncommon for me to wake up with my heart pounding.
I'm not the type to think everything I dream has some deeper meaning tied to what I'm going through in life at that time, but in this case I do recognize strong patterns. I think it's somewhat related to work-related anxiety I don't really want to get into, but I think the bigger association is that I've been spending a lot of time contemplating art I want to make, especially original art that I'd ideally like to go on to sell prints of, but I've yet to actually make any meaningful progress on making this happen due to things like time limitations and worries about quality and perfection. Clearly it's been getting to me.
I also see some relation to my lasting regrets about my time in college. Which I should mention I graduated from over 10 years ago, considering this has been mentioned in two posts in a row now. I feel a little pathetic about it, but I continue to feel pretty sad about how that time of my life went. I squandered my chances there and essentially felt like I spent a lot of money just to make (almost) nothing but crap art that I wasn't even proud of at the time and embarrass myself over and over again. I guess every artist inevitably needs to make copious amounts of garbage. I just continue to be frustrated that it happened for me at such a crucial time, and it does come up in dreams sometimes.
Things I've been enjoying this month:
The podcast Fansplaining. This is an old one that might already be known by some of you reading this, they've been around since 2015, but I only just discovered them and have been having a great time going through the archive. With work being a bit of a slog, listening to this helped quite a bit. I've found it interesting, insightful, and nuanced, and recommend it to anyone who wants to hear discussions about all kinds of tricky fandom related topics. The hosts seem to only be involved with fandoms I never would be since my interests lie pretty much strictly with Japanese anime and game media, but the things they have to say are mostly universal for anyone navigating fandoms within the anglosphere online. Actually, I find the little peeks into fandoms I'll never be involved with quite interesting.
I will say I have trouble listening to episodes for almost any podcast from before 2019, so I currently have no plans to listen to anything earlier than that in their archive. It's because of how my life and the general world has changed since then. It's not old enough to be interesting history to me yet. The wounds from that time are still too fresh, or we're still very much living with the consequences of it. Even for the episodes I am willing to listen to, I often get a feeling of "I'm from the future and I have bad news for you" from some things they say… Ugh. Well, I'm sure their even later archive has plenty of great episodes for those of you without the same hang ups as me, though situations discussed in them may have changed. They have done re-visits for certain topics several years after their initial episodes on them.
But anyway, regarding the podcast again, I will caveat by saying their particular brand of bickering and banter isn't very enjoyable to me. While it seems to be okay for them it sometimes reads as mean and unnecessarily combative to me, but I'm particularly sensitive to that. I guess proceed with caution if you're similarly sensitive. I've found it to otherwise be enjoyable enough that I can tolerate this aspect of it. It seems to be a non-issue now anyway since one host has recently left (on good terms!), and the format is in flux. I haven't listened to anything very recent yet, so I don't know how it is now, but the backlog from at least the past few years is still a great and relevant listen.
I especially enjoyed episode 153, titled "The Productive Fan". I really needed to hear this episode's message of "sometimes, all you needed was to think about something and it doesn't mean you must create something out of what you thought about." Thinking about certain fandom things helps keep me sane in my day-to-day life, especially at work, but sometimes I get convinced I MUST spin it into something big to share with the world. Well, no! Sometimes making a thing is a worthy path to take, but sometimes the thinking is all that's needed.
This rainy days Kyoto travel vlog from Sol Life. The entirety of Sol Life's channel is nothing but fantastic travel vlogs, so it all comes highly recommended if you like that kind of thing, but this one in particular put me in such a good mood. I watched this on a hot, sunny morning, but to get fully in the mood I just closed the window blinds to block out the light. Fantastic vibes. I thank Sol Life for braving all that rain so we could see such lovely sights. And if you're a fan of matcha, I think you'll like this vlog even more.
Not to sound like an advertisement, but I've finally tried Island Way Sorbet and they really are just as delicious as I've heard they are. If you're unfamiliar, it's different fruit flavored sorbets frozen into the rinds of the fruits they're flavored from, i.e. an orange sorbet in half of an orange rind. Highly recommend! Maybe I was just imagining it, but I felt like the flavor of the sorbet that had been sitting right against the rind was even more intense than the rest.
Fresh peaches! The region I live in produces very delicious peaches and they are currently in season, so I've been enjoying the hell out of those. I decided to try them with vanilla Greek yogurt, too, and guess what? That's also super delicious!
